Explaining the Large Hadron Collider

Basically, you start off with two very beautiful people.  You are under the impression that if you smash them together at high speeds, something really cool will happen.  So, you stick them both in a tube, speed them up, and crash them together.  The resulting explosion of people bits is indeed cool.  Since, however, a person is a much more stable form than people bits, the beautiful people reform, as a person and an anti-person (person=matter).  Now, due to the explosion, the two people are ugly right now.  As everybody knows, beautiful people hate ugly people.  As such, they will attack each other to mutual annihilation.  As we already know, people are more stable than people bits, so they will keep annihilating and reforming until one of them is victorious.  If it's the person, then it gets to go free into the atmosphere and no harm done.  If it's the anti-person, though, it will immediately be destroyed by the surrounding people until a person emerges victorious.